I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
