i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
