ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize