We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
