who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
