i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
