Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
