threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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