hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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