The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
did i walk over a car last night?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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