Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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