either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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