She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is my gift to your gina
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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