Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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