you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
