Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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