9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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