my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
