I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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