the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
