Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
