Umm I'm too high to move.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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