i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
