Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
