After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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