I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
