Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
