Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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