if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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