Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
