Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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