I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am mentally ready for anal.
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