At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
