the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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