pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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