I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
