He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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