I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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