Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize