i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
