Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
