I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
