sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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