Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize