My sheets look like a crime scene.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
operation have a gay friend backfired
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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