Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize