I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I intend to get homeless drunk
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
