After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize