I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
