my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
