I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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