I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
