rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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