i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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