She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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