They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
