the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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