and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
