When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize