I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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