somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
