your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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