I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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