How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
