You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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