Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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