If that was your dad, he is hot
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
