So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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