so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
